Track Repeat #Friday Fictioneers

This week’s Friday Fictioneers prompt was really neat: a picture of a pedestrian tunnel underneath a highway.  It didn’t take me long to figure out what I wanted to write about, but keeping it under 100 words took me quite a bit longer.  Please feel free to comment with any constructive criticism or thoughts.

Track Repeat

“You two are on night shift,” said Mike. “You on the security cameras, Briggs in the control room.”

“Isn’t Briggs in charge of security?”

“Not tonight. Remember that murder-suicide that happened a few years ago?” He pointed at the underpass on Monitor 4. “It took place right there. Guy stabbed his girl, then shot himself.”

“Well, Briggs swears that every year the damn girl runs out and gets stabbed all over again. Since tonight’s the three year anniversary, Briggs won’t watch the cameras. Threatened to hang up his hard hat, and I can’t have that.

“So you’re on cameras tonight.”

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About glossarch

The word "glossarch" doesn't exist. At least, not yet. But let's pretend it does for a second. The first part is "gloss," a word that comes to us from Ancient Greek via Latin and English. It means "language." The second part also comes from Ancient Greek and can mean "having power over." So "glossarch" means simply "language controller." So what am I doing making up words? Well, I made up an entire language once. It's called Angosey. So I'm the Glossarch of Angosey. I'm currently a doctorate student in volcano seismology (a branch of geophysics). I enjoy writing fiction and poetry, launching balloons, programming, and hanging out with my lovely wife! Follow me on Twitter! Writing and language creation: @glossarch Balloons and science: @bovineaerospace
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11 Responses to Track Repeat #Friday Fictioneers

  1. Sandra says:

    Nice flash. It’s probably just me, but I got a bit mixed up with who was saying what, wondering whether the other person (not Briggs or Mike) was speaking the last line, refusing to do the cameras. Whatever, I wouldn’t be doing the cameras myself … 😦

    http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/a-place-to-die-for-friday-fictioneers-13-april-2012/#comment-1199

  2. Excellent! A horror story! Yay! The only criticism I have to offer is of a grammatical nature, and that is that, if you have a monologue that spans more than one paragraph, you don’t put closing quotations on the end of the paragraph, until the speaker has finished speaking. You DO put opening quotations on each paragraph of the monologue, but you don’t put closing quotations until the monologue was finished.

    Other than that, this story had a very Stephen King quality to it, which I like, he’s one of my favorites. Very well done, my friend!!!

  3. elmowrites says:

    I agree with Sarah about your punctuation. The last line confused me because of it.
    But otherwise, want an intriguing opening – this guy’s going to have a story to tell tomorrow!

    I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/friday-fiction-the-tunnel/

  4. Lora Mitchell says:

    You wrote you recently completed a novel with co-author Sarah Paige Berling and yet she is giving you grammatical criticism in the previous comment section. It seems you would have learned about quotations during your collaboration…no? Mute point however. . Wonderful horror story. What’s up with Briggs? Is it all in his head? lol. Here’s mine:
    http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

  5. Good job. I’d love to read a longer version of this. WOuld make a great movie, too.
    Mine: http://shirleymccann.blogspot.com/2012/04/nightmare.html

  6. tedstrutz says:

    I agree with Shirley. Good start to a story and a movie…

    Here’s mine…http://tedstrutz.com/2012/04/14/100-words-flash-friday-fictioneers-the-underpass/

  7. Madison Woods says:

    I felt like I was watching this on television – easily able to visualize these guys talking to each other. Have you tried writing scripts before?

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