This week’s Friday Fictioneers prompt was really neat: a picture of a pedestrian tunnel underneath a highway. It didn’t take me long to figure out what I wanted to write about, but keeping it under 100 words took me quite a bit longer. Please feel free to comment with any constructive criticism or thoughts.
Track Repeat
“You two are on night shift,” said Mike. “You on the security cameras, Briggs in the control room.”
“Isn’t Briggs in charge of security?”
“Not tonight. Remember that murder-suicide that happened a few years ago?” He pointed at the underpass on Monitor 4. “It took place right there. Guy stabbed his girl, then shot himself.”
“Well, Briggs swears that every year the damn girl runs out and gets stabbed all over again. Since tonight’s the three year anniversary, Briggs won’t watch the cameras. Threatened to hang up his hard hat, and I can’t have that.
“So you’re on cameras tonight.”
glossarch 
Oooh! Sounds very CSI! 😀 Love it! Here’s mine: http://passionatedreamsfiction.blogspot.com/2012/04/paranormal-shivers.html
Nice flash. It’s probably just me, but I got a bit mixed up with who was saying what, wondering whether the other person (not Briggs or Mike) was speaking the last line, refusing to do the cameras. Whatever, I wouldn’t be doing the cameras myself … 😦
Cool idea. Wonder if there’ll be any change.
Excellent! A horror story! Yay! The only criticism I have to offer is of a grammatical nature, and that is that, if you have a monologue that spans more than one paragraph, you don’t put closing quotations on the end of the paragraph, until the speaker has finished speaking. You DO put opening quotations on each paragraph of the monologue, but you don’t put closing quotations until the monologue was finished.
Other than that, this story had a very Stephen King quality to it, which I like, he’s one of my favorites. Very well done, my friend!!!
Made the fix, Sarah, thanks for catching it!
Lovely story. Wonder if she will appear this year too.
Here’s mine
http://tollykitsjourney.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/flash-fiction-story-1-for-fridayfictioneers/
I agree with Sarah about your punctuation. The last line confused me because of it.
But otherwise, want an intriguing opening – this guy’s going to have a story to tell tomorrow!
I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/friday-fiction-the-tunnel/
You wrote you recently completed a novel with co-author Sarah Paige Berling and yet she is giving you grammatical criticism in the previous comment section. It seems you would have learned about quotations during your collaboration…no? Mute point however. . Wonderful horror story. What’s up with Briggs? Is it all in his head? lol. Here’s mine:
http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com
Good job. I’d love to read a longer version of this. WOuld make a great movie, too.
Mine: http://shirleymccann.blogspot.com/2012/04/nightmare.html
I agree with Shirley. Good start to a story and a movie…
Here’s mine…http://tedstrutz.com/2012/04/14/100-words-flash-friday-fictioneers-the-underpass/
I felt like I was watching this on television – easily able to visualize these guys talking to each other. Have you tried writing scripts before?