Revelation #FridayFictioneers

It’s Friday Fictioneers time!  I rally my mathematics-saturated brain for an exercise of a different sort-writing a 100 word flash fiction story based on a photo Madison Woods posted on her blog this Wednesday.  She does this every week, and every Friday many other writers and I post links to our stories on her site.  We read and critique each other’s work, and it’s a great way for writers to be read and readers to get access to some great stories.
Here’s the photo Madison posted this week.  My story is below.  I welcome creative criticism, so let me know what you think!   Thanks for reading.

Revelation

My advisor shook me awake around noon, but it was still twilight outside.
“Wha-what’s going on?” I asked as I peeled my face off my keyboard.
“Stations NGB and WTB just went down.”
“What?  That’s impossible.  They’re a hundred miles apart.”
He stared at me.
“Wait, the volcano took them both?” I asked.
He nodded and pointed to the window.  Ash trickled from the lightning-laced ocean above us, and a thick gray veil covered the cars in the parking lot.
“This is the end of civilization,” he said.  “Game’s already over.”

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About glossarch

The word "glossarch" doesn't exist. At least, not yet. But let's pretend it does for a second. The first part is "gloss," a word that comes to us from Ancient Greek via Latin and English. It means "language." The second part also comes from Ancient Greek and can mean "having power over." So "glossarch" means simply "language controller." So what am I doing making up words? Well, I made up an entire language once. It's called Angosey. So I'm the Glossarch of Angosey. I'm currently a doctorate student in volcano seismology (a branch of geophysics). I enjoy writing fiction and poetry, launching balloons, programming, and hanging out with my lovely wife! Follow me on Twitter! Writing and language creation: @glossarch Balloons and science: @bovineaerospace
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16 Responses to Revelation #FridayFictioneers

  1. Carrie says:

    so many end of the world, apocalypse stories this week. You have an enjoyable bit of flash

  2. Great story! The geologist in me was fascinated. Might I suggest cutting out the passive tense? Instead of “was trickling” use “floated down” or just “trickled.” I’m bad about passive tense too but eventually you learn how to spot it. 🙂

    You know where to find mine.

    Love,
    Sarah

    • glossarch says:

      Oh, hell. You got me. I didn’t even see the “was covering”! Maybe scrambling to finish FF before I fall asleep and have to be peeled off my keyboard.

      Fixed, thanks!

  3. Paul says:

    Gee! I like yours better than mine.

  4. Kaitlin says:

    oh cool. I just did a class about Supervolcanoes last week so this is great timing 🙂

  5. Sandra says:

    Sound ominous. Nicely apocalyptic. Well done.

  6. In few words you told a frightening story. Nicely told.
    I concur with Sarah about the passive tense. I’m sort of anal about it, too. Sometimes it’s the right tense but most of the time using the verb, ie trickled instead of was trickling puts more punch in the sentence.
    But take heart, your story isn’t littered with passive voice. Good job.

    • glossarch says:

      That passive voice was a genuine mistake. I debated “trickling” versus “was trickling” for a while last night. I thought I wanted the progressive tense but now seeing your comments and rereading, I agree with you. Was trickling just doesn’t have that punch, and when you have 100 words every one had better be a knockout!

  7. I like “peeling my face off my keyboard.” You got lots of mileage out of your 100 words.

    Since the passive voice was already mentioned, just a very, very small thing–“lightning laced” would be better done as “lightning-laced”. But as I said, it’s just a tiny thing.

  8. elmowrites says:

    This doesn’t sound much like fun for anyone concerned. The first line is a bit confusing – maybe “outside it was still twilight” would help to me it clear that this isn’t a typo. I love your description of the ash, and the way realisation hits him, and us, square on.
    I’m over here – http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/08/31/friday-fiction-white-pegasi/

  9. stuff I said says:

    Wow the world is ending all over the place with prompt! Well done, enjoyed it.

  10. Bumba says:

    Yikes! I thought mine was gloomy.

  11. I liked ‘Game’s already over’ – punctuates the finality of it.

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