Out for a Bit #Friday Fictioneers

Lord have mercy!  It’s Friday Fictioneers again!  Every Friday, writers from all around the world write 100 word (or thereabouts) flash fiction based on a photo posted that Wednesday on Madison Wood’s blog.

Here’s my story this week.  I welcome constructive criticism; without it I cannot grow as a writer.  Thanks for reading!

Out for a Bit

“Gotta go pack,” he muttered.  “Get my suitcase.  My laptop.”
“I got it all for you,” I said.  “Don’t worry.”
He breathed deep and settled back on the pillow, eyes still closed.
“Bus just pulled up,” he whispered.  “Everybody’s getting on.”
“What do they look like?  The passengers?” I asked.
“Young.  Everybody’s so young,” he said. “Driver’s taking the tickets now. Gotta get my ticket.”
“It’s right there in your hand,” I said. “Who’s the driver?”
“Dad.  My dad’s driving.”  He frowned slightly.  “It’s already getting dark.  See you in bit, okay?”

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About glossarch

The word "glossarch" doesn't exist. At least, not yet. But let's pretend it does for a second. The first part is "gloss," a word that comes to us from Ancient Greek via Latin and English. It means "language." The second part also comes from Ancient Greek and can mean "having power over." So "glossarch" means simply "language controller." So what am I doing making up words? Well, I made up an entire language once. It's called Angosey. So I'm the Glossarch of Angosey. I'm currently a doctorate student in volcano seismology (a branch of geophysics). I enjoy writing fiction and poetry, launching balloons, programming, and hanging out with my lovely wife! Follow me on Twitter! Writing and language creation: @glossarch Balloons and science: @bovineaerospace
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16 Responses to Out for a Bit #Friday Fictioneers

  1. tedstrutz says:

    This was a sad one. But then, maybe not. I had to read a few times… I think I got it. Nice.

  2. Sandra says:

    Aww, that was a sad one Danny. An original take on the concept of ‘journey’. Nice work.

  3. Like Ted, I think I get it but I’m not sure. The dialogue is good.

  4. Excellently subtle. Sounds like he went gently into that dark night.

  5. Abraham says:

    So I’m not the only one who is not sure about getting it..

  6. brudberg says:

    Very dark interpretation. A bus can be such a bleak image…

  7. Hi Danny,
    Had to read your story a few times to understand the full implication. Very dramatiic and dark. Interesting take on the photo. Ron

  8. Cindy Marsch says:

    Powerful, and subtly done, which makes it even more powerful. Great job.

    Here’s mine: http://wrasselings.blogspot.com/2012/10/friday-fictioneers-day-trip.html

  9. Lora says:

    Must admit, I read it several times and I still don’t get it. Cindy said it’s powerful and subtle….. Hm….sorry, I’m usually not this dense.

  10. rich says:

    oh, now i get it. the guy is dying and talking about what he’s seeing. right? oh, now i like it. before i wasn’t sure what was up. well done. that’s assuming i’m right.

  11. writeondude says:

    I got it second time through. It was the ‘getting dark’ bit that gave it away. Definitely nothing wrong with that, I like it just the way it is. I think having information at the end that changes your perception of what went before is excellent technique.

  12. billgncs says:

    At first, I didn’t understand it. But after reading the comments I read it again and liked it very much.

  13. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Danny,

    This was a well written and powerful piece. Though I, too, had to read it several times i don’t think you should change a thing. once it becomes clear it cannot be unseen ad therein lies its impact.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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