Crikey! It’s Friday Fictioneers again! Every Friday, writers from all around the world write 100 word (or thereabouts) flash fiction based on a photo posted that Wednesday on Rochelle Wisoff-Field’s blog. A big thanks to Rochelle for keeping this wonderful weekly tradition going!
Here’s my story this week. I welcome constructive criticism; without it I cannot grow as a writer. Thanks for reading!
The Hummingbird
“Daddy, Daddy, the hummingbirds are hungry!”
A couple of the little jewels were hovering around the empty feeder, looking perplexed, so I unhooked it and brought it inside.
At the kitchen table, she stirred the sugar into the water, wisp by wisp until it was all gone.
“Where does it all go, Daddy? The sugar?”
“It changes, little one,” I said. “Let’s go put the feeder back, okay?”
“Okay.”
As I slipped the feeder back on its hook, a little green hummingbird landed on my finger. She was as light as a single breath, and just as quickly gone.
glossarch 
A lovely, charming story. …”as light as a single breath…” Beautiful image. Nice work Danny. Oh, and thanks for stopping by and commenting on mine.
I liked this, the sense that some moments are fleeting. Good voice. Well done.
Dear Danny,
Loved this story with its beautiful description and its perfect last sentence. The hummingbird as youth, childhood, innocence. Perfect.
One thought for your consideration. The first appearance of the word ‘little’ could be changed to ‘airborne’ as jewell are mostly little and you use the word again later. Try reading it that way and see. Just yammering. Nice job all in all.
Aloha,
Doug
Hi Danny,
Great take on the photo. Hummingbirds are really special. When we used to live in Arizona, we saw several species, but now we see only the ruby throat. Thanks for a beautiful story. Ron
What a precious, bittersweet glimpse into a parent’s heart. You have well captured the delicacy of a tender moment between parent and child – the sort of moment that cements itself into the heart of a parent who knows children grow up way too quickly and longs not to squander a single second of their child’s youth. Good job.
well written. Such a creative idea on this week’s prompt. Great minds think alike. Check out mine to see what I’m talking about. 🙂 http://wp.me/p28tjX-uP
Wisp by wisp…what a nice description for the sugar’s disappearance. A nice unique take on the prompt.
Sorry about my overuse of the word “nice”. Time for sleep.
A lovely piece. It really flows. The “and brought it inside” seems so drab to how full of imagery the rest was.
This is beautifully written Danny. The ‘wisp by wisp’ and ‘light as a single breath’ – both great images.
As always, Danny, your stories are beautiful. Super jealous, yo. 🙂
Oh, and here’s mine! http://sarahthestoryteller.wordpress.com
That was lovely… enjoyed something sweet on this prompt.
here’s mine…http://tedstrutz.com/2012/10/25/displaced/
Nicely done.
So sweet and down to earth. Very nice variation.