I come crashing down (Genre: Mainstream) #Friday Fictioneers

Yes!  Even though the stomach flu has relegated food to a distant memory, I have rallied to produce a (hopefully coherent) flash fiction story.  Every Friday, writers from all around the world write 100 word (or thereabouts) flash fiction based on a photo posted that Wednesday on Rochelle Wisoff-Fields’ blog.

Here’s my story this week.  I welcome constructive criticism; without it I cannot grow as a writer.  Also, what is the best genre descriptor for this type of story?  I couldn’t really think of one that fit.  Thanks for reading!

Fireworks - Copyright Lora Mitchell

Fireworks – Copyright Lora Mitchell

I Come Crashing Down

He used to sneak as close as he could, so close that the fireworks covered half the sky and sounded like the world splitting open.

It’s been a while since he’s done that, about thirty years, a divorce and innocence shed like snakeskin but he’s had a few swigs of Jose Cuervo and he says what the hell, I feel about fifteen again, I’ll give it a shot.

He grabs the top of the chain link fence-hands are a little shakier than they used to be but they still remember how-and off he goes.

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About glossarch

The word "glossarch" doesn't exist. At least, not yet. But let's pretend it does for a second. The first part is "gloss," a word that comes to us from Ancient Greek via Latin and English. It means "language." The second part also comes from Ancient Greek and can mean "having power over." So "glossarch" means simply "language controller." So what am I doing making up words? Well, I made up an entire language once. It's called Angosey. So I'm the Glossarch of Angosey. I'm currently a doctorate student in volcano seismology (a branch of geophysics). I enjoy writing fiction and poetry, launching balloons, programming, and hanging out with my lovely wife! Follow me on Twitter! Writing and language creation: @glossarch Balloons and science: @bovineaerospace
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15 Responses to I come crashing down (Genre: Mainstream) #Friday Fictioneers

  1. Hi Danny,
    Sorry about your health woes. A lot of that going around.
    I really like this piece’s atmosphere. I could see the old man climbing the fence and from the title I’m guessing it doesn’t bode well for him.
    On a practical note. I would put quotation marks around “What the hell…” Also I’d start a new paragraph with “It’s been a while…” White space draws the eye of your reader.
    Start a new paragraph with “He grabs…” (I use quotation marks to quote you…I’m only suggesting you use them around the conversational line.) I hope that made sense.
    Sorry if that’s too wordy. I did enjoy you story.
    Shalom,
    Rochelle

  2. I felt sadness for him and the life he’s been through but I don’t get the feeling it’s necessarily going to get better in the near future, although I hope so. As well as what Rochelle mentioned, I might put the last sentence in a paragraph of its own because I like the sense of gravitas the pause from the space gives. But it certainly works well your way, too.

    Hope youu feel much better soon!

  3. Sandra says:

    The snakeskin was a great line. Nice work this.

  4. It takes courage to try again. Sometimes the courage comes in a bottle and bites us. Good one.

  5. Hi Danny,
    Great story of middle-aged craziness and I liked the snakeskin line and the split sky line. There’s a shift in tense right in the middle. Was that to contrast the past and present? Ron

  6. lindarigsbee says:

    Aspiring writer – I never liked that term. Either you are or you are not a writer. What I did like was your take on the fireworks. “It’s been a while since he’s done that” sounded off to me. Intended? Good piece – made me pause and think.

    • glossarch says:

      You know, that term really bothers me too, and I have no idea why it’s on my “About Me”. Probably because I was in a hurry. I have been thinking about changing it for weeks, and now I will! Funny thing is, I’m not even a writer, I’m a scientist 😛

  7. billgncs says:

    That story reminded me of a time when we would come up to a chain link fence and climb it, roll over at the waist and flip over the fence. Now that would be a precursor to a hospital visit. Thanks for taking me on that memory walk.

    As for being a scientist writer — the sky’s the limit. Larry Niven was one of my favorites.

  8. rich says:

    atta boy. a peaceful and harmless way to recapture a moment of younger years. i congratulate him. well done.

  9. tedstrutz says:

    innocence shed like snakeskin… Great Line! Jose is not always your friend.

  10. elappleby says:

    I’ve just sat and read about a dozen descriptions of fireworks but yours was the best – “the fireworks covered half the sky and sounded like the world splitting open” – a really good story – can’t wait to see what you can do when you’re not poorly!

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